Yesterday afternoon after returning home from the vet, about 4:00 Bailley started screaming and running through the house. I liken the sound that was coming out of my sweet tiny girl to an ambulance racing to an emergency. Steve and I were running through the house, terrified to see her so distressed, trying to catch her. Steve finally caught her and gave her to me. It was all I could do to hang on to her. She seemed to not even know who I was. I swaddled her and rocked her trying to calm her, she continued to thrash around screaming. I felt a warm sensation on my stomach and knew she lost control of her bladder. I told Steve to get the car and in the pouring rain we rushed her to the closest vet in town, which I had never seen before. She continued to scream.
It was vey close to closing but they opened a room as soon as they could. We finally got in a room, I think her screaming, panting and shaking and again, loss of control of her bladder may have pushed them a little. I called her usual vet’s office and had her records faxed over. The vet came in and examined Bailley, which was very difficult. He found that she was suddenly blind. Her pupils had no reaction to light and she had no flinching response to his hand. She wanted nothing to do with anyone except me and Steve. She did seem to calm when I held her and talked to her. The vet said she was basically in a state of panic because her world had gone dark suddenly and she did not understand. She was afraid.
They believe it was one of many things that caused this to happen. A small stroke, a small blood clot, a mini seizure, or the tumor in her brain due to Cushings is growing and pushing against a nerve. None of which is minor. The vet prescribed Xanax to help with the anxiety and basically said just hold her and stay with her and do anything you can to keep her calm. He said it could be temporary or permanent. We left the vet office holding Bailley tight. She had calmed a bit but was still crying, just a bit and much less urgent. Just letting me know she was not in a good place.
We sat in the parking lot at the pharmacy and when Steve got out of the car I noticed she appeared to be looking at him. Not knowing if it was the sound of him getting out I told him to walk around the outside of the car. We were inside with the car running and air on so I knew sound would not play into it. She tracked him all the way around the car, turning her head all the way. I started to feel a bit of relief and I believe this is why she was calming, she was getting her vision back. We came home and she did not want me to leave her for a single second. We gave her hydrocodone and she slept through the night without any issues. She did get up a couple times and put her face in mine just making sure I was still there.
This morning started like any other morning, until we settled in the office with coffee. She started acting fearful, pacing, panting, wanting to go somewhere else. Im not certain if her vision is fully restored? Maybe she is very traumatized by last evening. I know I am! My vet says not to give the Xanax because it could make her liver worse. So I gave her another dose of hydrocodone. Im hoping it will help settle her. Im also worried it will happen again. What lies ahead?
In the last week or so I my anxiety was finally starting to fade, she was doing very well, she was looking healthy and acting healthy, the door to her decline in health has opened up again. Our anxiety is through the roof again. The pain a mother feels when one of her children is hurting is indescribable. Its a helpless feeling. Life is so fragile. I am amazed she can endure so much and still be with us. Oh, my sweet girl, you have to get better. This world will not turn without you. My world will not turn without you. Somehow, I have to push forward. This is part of living, right?
I hate to say this because I do think it is over used but, if you pray, maybe just stop for a second in your day to ask God to let her be better. If you dont pray, maybe you could send good thoughts her way. I know God has big things to do, I know it is selfish of me to always ask for more time with her. But if by chance, God does have time for a sick Shih Tzu, maybe he will place his healing hand on my baby and just give us a little more quality time.